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14 July 2011 @ 11:56 pm
Of Comic Cons, Cacti, Rock Stars, & Hard Candy: A Kurtofsky Love Story 6b/?  
Title: Of Comic Cons, Cacti, Rock Stars & Hard Candy: A Kurtofsky Love Story
Author: Celesteennui
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 11505/48652 so far
Spoilers: The more episodes aired the greater the chances are that you will read something that qualifies as spoiler and that this will be considered AU.
Characters/Pairings: Main—Dave Karofsky and Kurt Hummel. Supporting—OC Kyle Queen, OC Jude Bower, Noah Puckerman, Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez and lots of other OCs because this is a FutureFic. Dave/Kurt battling it out against Dave/OC.
Summary: FutureFic. Dave Karofsky has a life that, as a teenager, he never thought was possible. He’s out and proud, has a flourishing career, an amazing circle of friends and he is neither chubby nor balding. Life is pretty perfect—right up until his boyfriend decides to break up with him. By text. On his birthday. It’s on the rebound from this debilitating blow to his pride that Dave’s path crosses with that of the last person he ever expected to see again: Kurt Hummel. Despite old wounds, though, a friendship blossoms between Dave and Kurt, one that might do more than ease Dave’s conscience over his high school screw ups—if he can let it. A How-To-Guide on getting over a bad relationship all wrapped up in humor, drama, insanity and tied with a smutty bow.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and I make no money from this artistic venture, it is done for the pure enjoyment of writing about one of my favorite shows. Reviews are greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Click Picture to Listen to Chapter Playlist
(opens in new window)
For those who don’t Grooveshark here’s what is on the playlist if you ever want to check the songs out:
Heartbeats-The Knife
Let it Happen-Jimmy Eat World
How Far we’ve Come-Matchbox Twenty
Whirring-The Joy Formidable
1983-The Incredible Moses Leroy
Strangers When We Meet-David Bowie
With a Little Help from My Friends-Across the Universe OST
You’ve got a Friend-Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

Author’s Note: Yeah, so LJ won't let me post ALL of chapter 6 in one go, so, here's the rest.

Kurt really did have no coordination unless he was dancing, though, since the dancing Dave had yet to see he (there were a few vague recollections) was just taking Puckerman's—Noah's—word on it. He still wasn't as bad as Jude was (no one on the planet could be as bad as Jude was at bowling) and that still didn't offset Kyle's constant strikes. It had gotten a little close, but in the end Kyle's perfect game coupled with Kurt's poor performance had beat Dave and Noah's combined average scores by about ten points. Given Kyle's competitive streak Dave wasn't even slightly surprised with the outcome.

Luckily, though, after gloating for about five straight minutes, she'd become a little more bearable. Enough so that another game was sidetracked by pleasant conversation between the five of them. Well, more like the four of them since Jude was oddly subdued but Dave chalked that up to tiredness. At least that was the vibe he was giving off, snuggled up against Kyle's left side, head resting on her chest, eyelids drawn down most of the time. It was a position that Dave could tell Noah greatly envied, if the little tick in his jaw every time his eyes washed over Dave's two best friends was anything to go by. The self control it took Dave to stop himself from taunting Noah with the number of times he'd seen Kyle topless (which, given their informality after nine years of sharing a living space had been a fair amount) was really admirable as far as he was concerned. He did sort of owe the guy, anyway.

Besides that, he was sort of content with the comfortable air as and current discussion topic: the watermelon story.

"And then we couldn't find him for hours!" Kurt said waving his arms wildly, eyes bright with laughter. "Finally, Santana caved and called security. They brought him back to the main hotel part of the place, in his underwear and covered in this pink, fruity goop. They said that they had found him in the garden of the plantation, specifically the watermelon patch, breaking them open with fucking rocks and shouting for someone to give him back his goddamned money." He paused, trying to calm himself down as Kyle and Dave laughed uproariously.

For his part, Noah didn't look so amused, but he wasn't as red faced or angry as he had when Kyle had insisted on hearing the story a few minutes earlier. "Oh come on!" he attempted to defend himself. "It was LSD! Don't even try and tell me that anybody here hasn't done something fucked up while under the influence." He glared at Kurt. "And you know what? I would've rather been going nuts in a watermelon patch than fetal on the bed sobbing about clowns!"

"Yeah, well, my bad trip didn't get us banned in Mississippi for two years, that's all I'm going to say," Kurt told him.

"Clowns?" Kyle asked the question that Dave was thinking himself.

Kurt shrugged and took a drink of his diet Dr. Pepper. "I don't like clowns. Though, the whole thing was a valuable lesson though: Kurt Hummel should only ever imbibe alcohol. And even that's got to be in small amounts. I had nightmares for weeks."

"During which time he insisted on sharing my bed," Noah added with an eye roll.

"You convinced me to take the bad acid, pal, it's only fair that you dealt with the cleanup afterward," Kurt sniffed. "And don't even act like you were bothered, Mister-Secret-Snuggler."

Much to Dave's surprise Kurt's last jibe didn't embarrass or anger Noah. On the contrary, he shrugged saying, "Yeah, well, you're not as bony as you look. Well, most of you." That made Kurt blush and a very wicked smile bloomed on Noah's lips.

"Shut up!" Kurt hissed glancing around as if searching for something to throw right at his best friend's head. "You've poked me with morning wood more than once, fucker!"

"I didn't moan when I did it, though," Noah continued to tease. "Or call you 'babe' and grind my hips into your ass when you tried to wake me up."

There was a moment or two where Dave actually thought Kurt's head might just explode (though that couldn't stop him from laughing) from all the blood rushing to it. Those bright, blue-green eyes gleamed a little murderous on his snickering best friend and Kurt was looking at his soda can as if debating on whether or not it would improvise as deadly weapon. Luckily for Noah, Kyle jumped in to play the embarrassing stories game, keeping Kurt from finding out just what sort of blunt force trauma that a half-full can of diet Dr. Pepper could do to the human skull.

"Oh please. Waking up with Cutie on your back—" It appeared Kyle had given Kurt a nickname. Dave could only hope that he liked it because he knew his BFF would not change it no matter how much he complained. In fact that would probably just help it to stick. "—is nothing compared to that," she pointed to Dave, "and this," Jude got his head lightly pushed; he didn't even bother to look up at her, "on your front. Dave puts a stranglehold on you so you can't even think of a bathroom run. Then pretty much all of Jude is bony and his elbows love my ribs."

"S'not our fault you're comfy," Jude proved he was still awake by murmuring. "Get a breast reduction and turn into a skeleton, we might stop using you as the middle to the snuggle-sandwich then."

"Maybe," Dave said. "I doubt it though. And stop acting like you don't love it."

Kyle was on the verge of a snarky remark when Bea popped in, arms folded and a half smile curling at the right side of her mouth. Kurt and Noah jumped at her apparent ninja skills; Dave couldn't blame them, he, Kyle, and Jude had taken a few years themselves to get used to Bea's eerie stealth.

"Cute as all of these little stories are, guys, I'm still going to have to kick you out," she told them. "It's, like, almost four and I have a paper to finish tomorrow."

At once everyone dove for their phones, flicking them on to verify if it was indeed that late. Sure enough the clock in the right hand corner of Dave's BlackBerry read 3:52 A.M.

"Fuck," Kyle whistled. "We've been at this that long? For real?"

"Apparently," Kurt said.

"Yes, yes you have been giggling like a group of schoolgirls for over an hour," Bea said, sounding rather annoyed. "Thank you for trusting me to know what time it was."

"Um, sorry, have you met you?" Dave was only half teasing. Bea raised an eyebrow at him but didn't say anything in return. Her mouth twisted a little and she made a face but eventually she shrugged then nodded, as if to say "yeah, you got me" before going back to the counter. Dave shook his head and turned attention to replacing his neon orange bowling shoes with his sneakers.

"Ooh, you have nice boots too," Kurt told Kyle. Kyle had dislodged Jude from her side forcing him to stand (or rather slump heavily against the back of the bench) while she pulled on her knee-high, gray something-something's.

Dave had long ago learned that being gay did not mean you had a strong handle on all forms of culture and, quite frankly, he was all right with knowing almost nothing about fashion. He had Kyle to pick out clothes for him when he needed to look impress anyone, the rest of the time Dave was happy with whatever was close by, clean and comfortable—and that preferably did not have the Spiderman logo on it. Spiderman, as far as Dave was concerned, was a bitch.

Kyle smiled at Kurt, one of those very genuine smiles she so rarely granted a person who had not known her for half a decade. Or at least close to it because that light of I'm-watching-you was still flickering occasionally in the dark blue depths of her eyes. Dave was really going to have to talk to her, preferably before she whispered something in Kurt's ear like "If you make my best friend cry your life will turn into a Dali landscape".

"Thank you," Kyle said. "We've got a great outlet store in West Haven so I got 'em for under twenty."

"What's it called and where can I find it?" Kurt demanded as he finished lacing up his left boot. "I haven't gone on a decent shopping trip since…forever. A wardrobe overhaul is needed stat."

Kyle put her hand out to Kurt and said, "Gimme, your phone." Kurt hesitated for a second or two, staring at Kyle's outstretched hand, but he gave it over after unlocking it. Dave thought about taking it from her, in case she something awful was on her mind, but then he remembered Kyle's technological strengths didn't go past using Google, typing, or using her graphics tablet. So Dave went ahead and assumed that she was pulling up Google Maps on the web app or something of the like, as their company pulled on hats, gloves, and coats.

"Do you want me to call a cab for you guys while I'm getting one for us and Jude?" Dave asked Noah as they returned the balls and shoes to Bea at the counter.

"Dude, please," he said, pulling his jacket tighter around him, as if to ward off the chill he hadn't even stepped into yet. "I may have grown up in Ohio but I still don't dig the winter."

"Ah, this isn't that bad," Dave said as he pulled his phone back out. "I mean, shit, no snow emergencies yet this year." He grinned at Noah's shiver and stricken face. "So where are you staying at?"

"Pine Apartments it's—"

"Off, Bellestone, yeah." Dave gestured toward Jude who was, rather sloppily, helping Kyle with her coat as one of her hands was still working with Kurt's cell. "Jude lives there; his place is on the fifth floor."

Noah's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Dude, so's ours. We're 502 and the girls are 503."

"Jude's got the corner at 513, a little bit down the hall but it still counts as a 'neighbor', I guess."

"Awesome. I have someone to borrow sugar from, now."

"He keeps the spare key lodged in a little space between the doorframe and the wall on the left side. You should go in when he's not there some time and rearrange his furniture. Be careful of his cats, though. Helter and Skelter live up to their oh-so-clichéd names."

"Your best friend has attack pussies?"

"More like grab-your-legs and jump-on-your-shoulder-from-out-of-nowhere pussies; they're attention whores and everyone who's ever gone into Jude's apartment has been tripped by them. The only one they steer clear of is Kyle—she punted Skelter across the room when he did that to her."

"Clearly they're bowing to the dominance of the bigger attack pussy," Noah chuckled with a lewd grin.

"Clearly," Dave agreed. "Hey, Jude—"

"Don't make it bad!" Kyle sang; Dave rolled his eyes at her while Jude smacked her lightly on the back.

"Yeah, Athos?" Dave's other best friend answered him, sleep-glazed eyes locked on Kyle in a glare, warning her to cut the tacky humor; Jude was a grumpy guy when he was drowsy. Kyle stuck her tongue out before her attention went back to Kurt's phone and whatever the hell she was doing to it. Dave suspected she was programming every goddamned store she liked in town into the address book or something.

"You care about sharing a cab back to the Pines?" He gestured to Noah and then to Kurt, the latter looking up curiously from over Kyle's shoulder at the mention of his apartment building. "Guess these guys are your new neighbors."

"Really?" Kurt smiled at Jude, eyes bright. "What number are you?"

"513," Jude said. "It's on the corner farthest from the elevator." Kurt started to say something else but Jude still very much in his I-want-my-bed-right-goddamned-now state cut him off with a scowl and a wave of his hand. "No. We will not have breakfast tomorrow. I'm not the welcome wagon and there will be no fuckin' muffin basket. If you try and visit before two in the afternoon I'll throw an angry cat in your face." Kurt jumped a little from the manic light in Jude's eyes then edged slowly toward Noah, as if he thought Jude might charge.

"Jude," Dave chastised as he dialed the cab company, "play nice." Jude responded with his middle finger while he buried his face in the warmth of Kyle's shoulder.

"Don't mind him," Kyle told Kurt. She smacked Jude lightly on the back of the head, he didn't move an inch. "Baby's just up past his bedtime. Besides, his cats are retarded, not angry, if he tossed either of them at you they'd just cry then beg you to love them like the pathetic little losers they are. Fuckin' ankle biters." The last bit came out as an unhappy rumble, complete with bitch face. Jude chuckled into the fabric of Kyle's coat and got another slap. As before it didn't convince him to abandon his position, in fact he wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist, clinging to her like some oversized, sleepy hug-tick.

Bea was nice enough to allow them to linger inside by the doors as they waited for the cabs after Dave had called them. Jude's sleepiness seemed to be catching as the five of them stood, watching the street while the vents poured warm air over them. Kurt had forced himself under Noah's arm as the taller man leaned against the wall. His eyes were closed as he rested against his best friend's side. Dave, glancing over with heavy eyes himself, thought that they looked kind of adorable from his spot on the left side of the door. Especially when Noah started rubbing absentminded circles on Kurt's back. The only one who appeared to be really away was Kyle still busy with Kurt's phone—which worried Dave a little more with each passing second. The sound of her tapping the phone's surface was all the noise to be heard through the slowly darkening room as Bea shut the lights in each lane off.

The cabs arrived in less than five minutes, as Dave knew they would. New Haven's system wasn't quite as efficient as New York's but at this hour on a Sunday there wasn't so much competition or traffic to hold things up. Calling their goodbyes to Bea, Dave and company braced themselves before plunging into the cold night beyond Blue Lanes' heavy, plate-glass doors.

"Here." Kyle handed Kurt's phone back to him when they were standing on the sidewalk in front of the cabs. Kurt fumbled to take it, the smooth plastic sliding a little in his suede gloves. He managed not to drop it, though (with a little help from Noah), and looked over the screen to see what she had done. "My cell, Dave's, Jude's and our landline are in there. And I may have called my phone so that I can save your number to it later." She grinned at Kurt's dumbfounded expression and winked at him. "Call me sometime tomorrow night and we'll set up a time to hang out this week. I'll show you around, we'll shoe shop, Dave can carry our bags; you know all that fun shit."

"Dave objects," he said scowling at Kyle, though not so much from worrying about her intentions with Kurt. "Woman, the last thing you need is more shoes. You wear, like, five pairs and the rest just take up space." It was the truth, even if Dave was biased toward shopping. His BFF only wore a few pairs, mostly converses and flats while the other thousand or so sat around. There were at least thirty pairs sitting unworn in their boxes and stored away in the furthest recesses of the attic, all neatly labeled and arranged by style and color.

Kyle stuck her tongue out as she attempted to dislodge Jude from her back. He took the hint and slid off, wrapping both of his arms around one of Dave's instead. "Fuck off. Are you my father? No, no you are not my father. And even if you were you wouldn't get to tell me what I should and should not buy with my own damn money since I'm over the age of eighteen."

"You're a shoe-hoarder," he deadpanned. "You have a problem. A problem called shoes."

"You have a problem called your mouth!" she retorted. "Now, shut it; you're going, bag-boy." And she turned back to Kurt, tossing her hair as she did, ending the discussion. Dave rolled his eyes but knew that she was right; Kyle had had him wrapped around her pinky since they were nineteen. Besides, he did want to see Kurt again—even if Kyle's shoe obsession was involved. At the very least he could make sure she behaved herself.

"Thanks," Kurt said, looking a little dumbstruck as Kyle hugged him. That faded, though, after a moment and he squeezed back. "I will. Promise."

"Better, I know where you live," Kyle joked as they parted. Kurt's giggle was somewhat interrupted by his best friend as Noah elbowed him (gently, Dave noticed) out of the way and opened his arms to Kyle. Dave's best friend snorted, crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at him, her expression very close to Kurt's as he shook his head at the other man.

"What?" Noah couldn't quite achieve innocence in his tone or face for the smile he wore. "Come on, I thought we were doing new-friend hugs here. Aren't we new friends?"

"Sure we are," Kyle said pleasantly. For half a second it seemed like Noah might actually get some contact but Dave knew better from the devious twinkle in Kyle's eyes. Noah leaned in and she spun on her heel, moving out of reach and causing him to stumble. Grinning Kyle walked toward the second cab, pecking Jude on the cheek as she passed and opened the rear passenger door. "Losers don't get hugs, friends or no. Win at something then we'll talk." She stuck her tongue out before slipping into the taxi.

Dave tried to be polite and not laugh too loudly at the way Noah's jaw dropped but he gave up on that when Kurt didn't bother. It didn't appear that Noah minded, though, once he could move his jaw again he was smiling. "Challenge, accepted—Baby!" He tacked the last word on with a triumphant smirk and Dave could feel Kyle glowering behind the window.

"I'll see you guys later," Dave said, shaking his head at Noah and his masochistic behavior; Kyle was going to make the guitarist pay, he just knew it. He said nothing, though, Noah was old enough to know when he was waving his balls in front of pit viper, and focused on getting Jude into the other taxi. He jiggled his arm and gave the other man a push. "'Mon, Judy, leggo. You have to get in the car to get to your bed."

"Yeah, sure." Jude's words were slurred with tiredness and quickly followed by a yawn that seemed too big for his skinny body. The arms coiled so tightly around Dave's bicep relented just enough for Jude to wind them around his neck. He hugged tightly, much more so than usual to the point of almost-pain, and kissed the corner of Dave's mouth. Jude's way of saying he had been on edge for a while that night too. Dave returned the kiss and the embrace, though, he was much more careful given how thin Jude was compared to him.

"Love ya, Athos," Jude said as he let go, and stumbled into the cab, the door of which Noah was graciously holding open.

"Love you too, Aramis."

There was a semi-awkward moment after Jude had crawled into the cab where Dave met Kurt's eyes and the shorter man moved as if to hug him as well but stopped himself. Dave brushed off the disappointment he was sure he had no right to feel; he and Kurt had just started to see each other as human beings rather than jaded memories, hugs were probably too much right then. The gaucheness in the air, however, was cut by Noah (or perhaps amplified, at least for a second or two) as he pushed past Kurt and threw his arms around Dave.

"Glad Ben Israel was wrong, dude," he said, thumping Dave on the back as he let go.

"Thanks." Dave returned the gesture along with a half-smile.

"Anytime. Catch you later." And with a wave Noah had joined Jude in the cab, leaving he and Kurt in a new wave of awkward not-staring-at-each-other on the sidewalk.

This didn't last long though, maybe five seconds, before Kurt mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like "fuck it" and moved in for a hug. It was brief, uneasy and both of them were rigid as fuck but when Kurt's arms fit around his waist Dave could not deny that he felt better, great even. It was as if all those words in Estelle's had been said all over again and somehow become even stronger.

When Kurt pulled back he wore a half-smile, face tinged with pink but his eyes were steady and met Dave's with little reservation. "I'll see you later?" It came out almost like he wanted permission and fuck if Dave could ever tell him no.

"Count on it," he assured Kurt, grinning down at him.

"I will." A final smile, a full one this time, and Kurt followed Noah. His eye contact with Dave remained unbroken until the door was shut and even then Dave could still feel that bright, blue-green gaze tacked onto him. As Jude, Noah and Kurt's cab started to pull away Dave shook his head, reminding himself that it was after four in the morning, and joined Kyle in the backseat of their own taxi. He had a discussion topic for the ride home: why Kyle was not allowed to play passive-aggressive manipulation games with new friends. At least with the ones who weren't trying to touch her boobs.


The drive back to their apartment had been a quiet one which Kurt was happy to blame on fatigue. For a little while he thought that Noah would have to carry Jude to his door as the other man seemed to be deep asleep most of the ride. Jude surprised them, however, by sitting up just as the cab pulled up in front of the building and shoving the fare into the driver's hand. He waved off both Kurt and Noah's protests with some garbled response as he climbed out of the taxi and onto the sidewalk; his companions really had no choice but to follow. Their thank you's were waved off like their objections, a bit grumpily too, making the elevator ride somewhat tense. That faded, though, when they stepped off and Jude smiled at them groggily, waved, and mumbled "see you later" as he stumbled down the hall. Noah followed Jude just far enough to make sure that he actually got into his apartment and didn't pass out somewhere along the way.

Neither Kurt nor Noah were very talkative as they entered their own place. After tossing his jacket on the couch (even after ten years, Kurt could not break that habit) Noah made a b-line for the kitchen, mumbling something about a sandwich. Kurt wanted to warn him against that, not just because eating this late was unhealthy (he conveniently forgot about the eight pączki he'd eaten after midnight) but also because his best friend had the worst habit of falling asleep with food in his mouth. He let him go, though, telling himself that the awfulness of bologna and mayonnaise fermenting overnight in Noah's mouth was deserved if he took that sandwich to bed, and went to his room.

Kurt hung his coat and winter accessories up before stripping then tossing his clothes into their appropriate hampers. He was tired enough that, for a moment or two, he actually dared to consider skipping a shower. That ludicrous idea went away quickly enough, though, and Kurt grabbed up his sleep stuff before hopping into the closet someone dared to turn into a bathroom.

He didn't stay long in the shower, just enough time was spared for shampoo, conditioner, and a quick all over scrub. The day was starting to seep into Kurt's bones with a vengeance and the longer he stood under the warm spray the more he risked sinking to the tiled floor for the night—or at least until the water turned cold. Toweling off he put his pajamas on in the bathroom. It was a habit picked up on the road that he just couldn't get rid of. Kurt was glad for it too when he stepped out and found Noah, clad only in a pair of boxers, laying on his bed.

"You had better not be eating on my bed, pal," he warned, eyeing the half of a sandwich in Noah's hand like it was sulfuric acid.

"Nope," Noah said right before stuffing the rest of his snack into his mouth. Kurt gagged while Noah chewed the too-big wad of food. "See?" He opened his mouth to show it was empty—except for a few speckled, sandwich-y remnants.

"What are you doing in my room, by the way?" he demanded swatting his best friend on the arm as he plopped down on the side not occupied by Noah. Conveniently, it was the side Kurt usually slept on and the side with the nightstand that he was stashing his moisturizer in. Kurt's nightly routine had diminished quite a bit since high school; being broke so often in the band's first few years meant facial creams went to the bottom of the necessity list along with designer clothes. Considering, though, that even Santana would (grudgingly) say his complexion was still as nice as it had been in high school Kurt was dealing just fine with generic toners and moisturizers. Plus, thanks mostly to Padma he'd come to see coupon clipping as a game and he did love games, especially when they left money in his wallet for scarves.

Noah shrugged as Kurt started to dab on his moisturizer. "I kinda lied when I said I finished my room. Everything's there I just…" He trailed off into a shit-eating grin Kurt sometimes thought that he knew too well.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You just forgot to put it all together so you're invading mine, right?"

"Aw, come on, don't be like that," Noah said with his best pout. "Like you said earlier, I'm a snuggler. You love it when you've got all this," he gestured to his chest and abs, "to back up into." His face twisted up into a combination of grimace and bedroom eyes that Kurt had dubbed "the smolder"; possibly because he'd invented it after they'd watched "Tangled" together (Noah would admit to nothing). While that look made most women and gay men weak at the knees it just made Kurt giggle hysterically.

"Oh no, bitch, in my bed you are the little spoon."

"Hey, as long as you make me breakfast after sleep-humping me, that's fine. I'm flexible."

Scowling, Kurt reached across the bed to punch Noah in the arm. "You're an ass that's what you are," he growled. "I cannot believe you told everyone about that. Jerk."

Noah stuck his tongue out as he rubbed the spot where Kurt's fist had landed. "Well, you should have kept the watermelon story to yourself. Honestly, that's one a good friend would save until after I've been dating the girl for at least a couple of weeks. It's a cautionary tale for her at that point. One filled with things she should never, ever let me do. Or, you know, a pointer if she's into that shit."

Another eye roll was directed at his best friend accompanied this time with a sigh that Kurt just couldn't hold in. "I'm pretty sure that human fruit salad isn't a fetish of Kyle's. She strikes me as more of a leather and handcuffs sort of girl."

"Can only hope." The look on Noah's face was positively dopey.

"Stop planning the wedding, Casanova, getting owned at bowling doesn't mean she'll be dropping her panties for you anytime soon," Kurt told him as he put his toner and moisturizer back in their drawer. He scooted up on the bed after and poked Noah (lightly) in the ribs. "What is it with you and women who kick you around?"

"What is it with you and getting large, hard objects shoved up your ass?"


Noah leaned toward the bed's center just enough to sling an arm over Kurt's shoulders, pulling the smaller man into his side. Kurt let him pull, his head tucking in under Noah's chin and his right arm slinging over the other man's stomach while Noah rubbed his back. It was a familiar position, a very intimate one that neither of their teenage selves would have been comfortable with. The days when Kurt would have squealed and refused to look at a shirtless man, let alone accept a nearly naked one holding onto him in his bed, felt a lifetime away. He supposed that the same could be said for Noah about having a gay best friend and cuddling up to him like it was absolutely nothing. They'd come a very, very long way in ten years and Kurt was never more grateful for that when it hit him just why Noah was there.

Kurt turned his head in the hollow of Noah's shoulder, pressing suddenly wet eyes into his best friend's collarbone. "I'm okay," Kurt assured Noah when tears rolled onto skin and his arm tightened around Kurt's shoulders. The scent of sweat, deodorant and something purely Noah slid into Kurt's lungs as he inhaled a shaky breath. "Really. I'm just…relieved."

"'Kay," Noah's voice was a distant rumble as Kurt had already started to drift off. "Me too."

Noah's room was put together; he just didn't want Kurt to be alone that night. More than anyone else Noah knew how Kurt had agonized over the disappearance of Dave Karofsky. In fact, aside from his dad and Blaine, Noah had been the only one who knew about the kiss for years. He was the only person Kurt had felt alright talking to about it, the only one who ever saw the worry on Kurt's face when Dave had been mentioned in passing, and the only person who had ever seen Kurt cry about it. That's because out of all the people in Kurt's life, his brother included, ten years had seen Noah become the most essential part of what home was for Kurt and he liked to think that the feeling was mutual. By the fact that he already knew Noah would still be holding onto him (probably drooling in his hair) when morning came, Kurt was sure that it was.


Dave felt cleaner than he ever had when he stepped out of the shower that night, well, technically morning, and it had nothing to do with the new body wash Kyle had picked out for him. A good ten years' worth of guilt had been sloughed off that night when Kurt forgave him. There would never be any forgetting what he'd done in high school but talking to Kurt had definitely settled it in the past where it belonged. Everything felt a little bit different; like suddenly it was easy to see that he was not the same person who had been scared and angry enough to threaten, push, and steal from another kid. He could believe his friends when they said he was a good man. Hell, maybe it meant that he was going to be a good man for another man someday, sappy as that sounded.

When Dave ambled out of his bathroom and into his bedroom he found evidence that Kyle had been in there before him; the evidence being the pajamas and underwear neatly laid out on top of his comforter. They were his favorite pajamas as well, or his new favorites, anyway. The old ones a black shirt with a rainbow paw-print above the words "trophy cub" and their gray flannel bottoms had been worn to pieces; he still missed them too. His new favorites, also a present from Kyle (pajamas were her "thing") were pretty good, though. The shirt was dark green and had his favorite Shakespearian quote printed across it in elegant gold lettering below an ornate theatre mask. The bottoms paired with it (at least when given to him) were brown flannel dotted with black bears—because if Kyle didn't crack a joke, even with presents, then it just wasn't right.

Kyle's sense of humor was what Dave liked best about her, though, or at least most of the time. As he pulled on his Shakespeare-n-bear pj's (Jude's lovely epithet for them) that night was in the "most of the time" category. After he'd towel dried his hair to springy perfection, he decided to go and tell her that.

Directly across the hall from his, Kyle's bedroom door was wide open, a sign dating back to their dorm years that meant walking right in was allowable, no knocking required. By the loud "whirring" sound that drifted out of her bedroom Dave already knew she was sitting at her wrought-iron vanity table, drying her hair before he entered. She saw him through the glass as he walked in and gestured towards the bed with the hand that was holding her brush. Dave took the hint and returned to his bedroom to flick the lights off before padding back into Kyle's. He threw the comforter and sheets back on her bed then climbed in, purposefully taking the left side. Kyle spared a moment from her hair care to give him a scowl that he knew wasn't serious. Dave replied by burrowing under the blankets and rearranging the pillows to suit him.

"You are so lucky I love you, asshole," Kyle muttered running a hand experimentally through her dark, wavy hair to judge its dryness. It must have been to her satisfaction since she stood up and turned off the lights before settling in next to him.

"I know," he said softly, almost to the point of being inaudible, though he really did mean it.

His best friend seemed to hear him though, and all the silent implications that went along with it because in a matter of seconds Dave found his head on her chest while Kyle's fingers curled in the short hair at the nape of his neck. The tension literally shot out of Dave; his BFF's hands were magic. He needed to start remembering that because one day Kyle was going to use that power for evil and then he would most certainly be fucked. For now though, she stayed off the Dark Side and reminded him wordlessly that he was loved, safe, and if Kyle had anything to say about it, that he always would be.

The steady rhythm of Kyle's breathing along with the way she kept stroking his neck and the softness of his human pillow (Dave had not been kidding with Kurt earlier about boobs, Kyle's chest was made for napping on) had Dave half-asleep within seconds. The Sandman had almost claimed him when his best friend's voice slowly parted the air.


Dave glanced up at Kyle with sleep-glazed eyes. Her smirk did not bode well but he responded because he knew that ignoring her would never, ever, solve the problem. "Yes, Porthos?"

"Tiff's description was right. Ass of a fourteen year old virgin."

He groaned against the soft fabric of her shirt. "God dammit…really?"

"Hey, I just met the model your type is based on, mister; I have witty observations to make. Maybe a chart too."

"Fuck you."

"No. Let's not. I like you too much." She chuckled and wrapped her other arm around his shoulders to hug him. For a moment or two Dave actually believed that she was done. He closed his eyes again, preparing for (hopefully) good dreams. The insides of his eyelids were present for approximately half a second.

"So, when are you gonna tap that?"

Dave attempted to glare at her but it probably wasn't very convincing. "I will bite your nipple off, cunt."

Kyle snorted. "No you won't. You would never desecrate your favorite headrest."

She was right, there was practically an imprint on Kyle's left boob from all the times he'd fallen asleep against it. He still flipped her off, though, for pride's sake. Kyle's loyalty was proven when she didn't stop massaging his neck after he did that or push him away. She just chuckled and let him wind his arms about her middle, not even complaining about the hard clench of his fingers against her hip and ribs.

"Poor baby," it was only half a tease, "he's had a long day."

"He has," Dave agreed in his most tired voice. He nudged her chin with the top of his head. "And he would like a back scratch."

"Bitch, I do not love you that much." She said it even as her hand slid down to the spot between his shoulder blades that she instinctively knew was the problem spot.

"Do too."

Info Links

Kyle’s boots

Dave’s pajamas.
The Old Favorites
The New Favorites

Previous Chapters

Chapter One: Release The Kraken
Chapter Two: Green Eyed Monsters
Chapter Three: Words To Live By
Chapter Four: Left Field Doesn’t Do It Justice
Chapter Five: All The Words Left Unsaid
Chapter Six: A Clean Slate Part A
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Naryanaryakiuxen on July 15th, 2011 04:53 am (UTC)
God, I love you.
I've been waiting for this fic to continue for ages!
I though it never would.

Characters are still amazing, interactions are awesome and.... geeeeeez, I have no words. Just... please continue soon? Please?
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
Aw *blushes* THANK you!

Yeah I know I'm a slug but please, never worry about me finishing this, it's on my epic!to-do list.
david_of_oz on July 15th, 2011 07:17 am (UTC)
Fuck I love this. That is all.

Oh, except abandon real life to just keep new chapters rolling in. And it's not ever allowed to finish. 'K?
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:26 pm (UTC)
Fuck, I love YOU. THAT is all :-P

Jeebus, I WISH that were an option. I talk a lot of crap about what I'd do if I ever won the lottery but I secretly know what I'd be doing with that money: premium WI-FI and fanfiction ALL day because Sloth is the sin ingrained in this soul.
caliena on July 15th, 2011 09:50 am (UTC)
I feel so lonely right now, but gosh, this is sweetness as it's described in a dictionary...
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the compliment but: aw, why're you lonely, sweets? *hug*
(no subject) - caliena on July 17th, 2011 04:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - caliena on July 18th, 2011 05:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
silent hallucinationalex_s9 on July 15th, 2011 10:03 am (UTC)
I'd love to have new fav Dave's pj. They're awesome.

Great chapter, as always.
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:33 pm (UTC)
The shirt is here but the pants were Google Image searched and they don't sell them anymore :(

Thanks, Alex!
lizzypoodlelizzypoodle on July 15th, 2011 01:47 pm (UTC)
Ooooh! I like those boots, too!! I like it that Puck is a secret snuggler. Their friendships are beyond amazing, and how you're putting this together is a thing of beauty.
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, sugar. Come on, we ALL know that Puck is a big freakin' softy at heart, of COURSE he's snuggler, lol.
countrygirl_914 on July 15th, 2011 05:57 pm (UTC)
Loving this. Glad to see a new chapter.

I think I now ship Kyle/Noah, no matter how improbable it is. It would be amazing.
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sugar. OMG Kyle/Noah would be INSANE! The adventures they would have would be the stuff of legend and poor Dave and Kurt would never sleep again for the loud, riotous sexings!
TheFirstMrsHummelfirstmrshummel on July 15th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Okay, I think I've said this before but...this is the freshest, most original take on future!Karofsky I've ever read. Your original characters are so fleshed out, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them walked off the page into my living room. And the Glee characters are so complex, so authentically adult that it just blows my mind completely.

I think I might actually die when you get around to the smut, because even the PG-13 stuff is so well written, I need a cold shower.

I am in awe.
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC)
I have the BIGGEST grin on my face as I read this. It is...THANK YOU. Thank you so much.

I've actually started to PLOT the smut and, when the first bits of it come around, I'm not sure ANYONE will be happy with me. That's all I'm going to say :P

*hugs* You are too kind to me, Lady, too kind. Thank you.
(no subject) - firstmrshummel on July 17th, 2011 06:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstmrshummel on July 17th, 2011 07:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstmrshummel on July 17th, 2011 07:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstmrshummel on July 17th, 2011 08:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - caliena on July 18th, 2011 05:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 18th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - caliena on July 18th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
smithie1674 on July 15th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
OK, so this is the first time that I get to review this as a member of LJ. That being said....

I love you SO MUCH for writing this story. I have enjoyed every chapter, and laughed my ass off at the interactions between the characters. Seriously, my family thinks I'm crazy because I laugh so loudly during parts of this story. I especially love your original characters. Like thefirstmrshummel said, they are so well fleshed out and characterized, that I sometimes have to remind myself that they are not canon characters. I love Kyle; she is the most badass and hilarious woman ever, and Dave should be so thankful to have a friend (and headrest) like her. I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up!
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 06:50 pm (UTC)
I love you SO MUCH for this review, really; it's making me blush and smile something awful and I'm delighted you've enjoyed it so.

I don't think there is any higher praise for a fanfic writer when they're told that their original characters are well-written, so thank you especially for that. Kyle, at least I like to think, is what the entire Dave Karofsky fandom would be if they were concentrated into a character. Like all Dave fan's she loves him, accepts him for who he is and all she really ever wants is for him to be okay. So, really, my inspiration for her comes from all the great Dave Karofsky and Max Adler fans out there, she's a community effort, so-to-speak :)
(no subject) - smithie1674 on July 17th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 09:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
traciamctraciamc on July 15th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC)
Loooooooove it! <3

I always do a happy dance when I see you've updated. Your Kurt, Dave and Puck are spot on, and Kyle has to be one of my favorite OCs ever!

Can't wait for the next chapter!
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 06:52 pm (UTC)
*dances with you* Thank you, sugar, thank you so much! I'm already hard at work on seven and I'm hoping I'll get her to the beta by week's end if I'm good.
(no subject) - traciamc on July 17th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Courier Six: glee [dave] redwatchpoint on July 16th, 2011 01:10 am (UTC)
I'm loving this. I really enjoy the way all the characters interact. (I have this image in my mind of Dave googling Kurt's band and that'll keep me entertained until the next chapter, lol.)
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC)
...I'm not saying whether or not that's happening. Nope. Not even hinting.

Thank you, sugar ;-)
(no subject) - watchpoint on July 17th, 2011 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celesteennui on July 17th, 2011 09:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
gleekxtergleekxter on July 17th, 2011 01:56 am (UTC)
There are no words to describe the awesomeness of this. I'm in so much awe. :D :D :D
celesteennuicelesteennui on July 17th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC)
Haha, thank you, sugar, I'm pleased that you're pleased :D